10 Things You Should Avoid Before Sex

While it looks like a fairly simple process, C’mon how complicated can it be if your grandfather could do it without a manual; Sexual Intercourse has often befuddled the greatest of minds. Befuddled, yes, I had to use a big word randomly to convince you of the credibility of this article.

So, sex. While you may find a bra-zillion (Get it?) articles on the internet about making your sex life only next best to Adonis and Venus after a year-long dry spell, there are rarely any that prepare you for the crucial build up to getting laid. There may be a million ways to please a woman and keep her at it, but these ten things are surely to lead to an anti-climax. (Not to be confused with aunty-climax, whatever your age preference might be.)

Worst first date ideas

Worst first date ideas
If you have reached this article by via Google, then you are already in a precarious position. Irrespective of anything, expecting an article to give you suggestions for your first date, is quite lame in itself. Despite that, here are a few howlers you should avoid.

1. Friend’s birthday party- The last place you should go on your first date. Nothing is a worse idea to break the ice with your first date than making her do it with 5 other strangers.

2. Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag- No occasion should demand such cruelty.

3. Google Hangout- Technology is replacing experiences in person, but a Google Hangout is a sure shot bullet to the head.

4. Football match with Beer and Tandoori Chicken- Because nothing spells doom better than your onion breath next to a girl frantically searching for ways to escape.

5. A Stroll In the Park- Unless you are 15. Or 65.

6. Your House- The classic line of " Your place or mine" works only in Bond movies. Unless you are the Prince of Jordan, this wouldn't work.

7. Her house- Did you not read the previous point?

8. To a Club- One usually goes to a club to puck up chicks. Taking your first date there is Hara Kiri. There is barely anyone who can maintain a sane conversation over blaring lyrics of Hookah Bar!

9. Anything to do with Friends- While you would eventually like her to have a good compatibility with your friends, the first date must be exclusive and personal.

10. Your Office- A strict no. Unless you are the CEO of Google. In which case, you wouldn't be reading this.

10 Things You Did In Your Teens

10 Things You Did In Your Teens
If your teenage was spent rummaging through copies of Mastaram and waiting for the late night edition of Just Mohabbat, then you have come to the right place. If you conveniently swapped through channels while catching glimpses of Midnight Hot on FTV at 9.30 pm, then there are 69% chances that you have done some/all of the below mentioned things.

1. Getting Adult CDs Delivered in Books - Remember the time when you had just dived into the vast and beautiful world of pornography? If you are a 90s kid in India, there sure was no way to stream that over internet. Here comes that one friend to the rescue, we all had. Borrow a book from him and he’d be surely slipping in that precious CD of soft porn in it.

2. Strategic Placement of Channels - There wasn’t a better way to explain ‘a narrow escape’, than when your dad is about to walk in on you watching Baywatch, but you manage to switch channels at the right moment. The strategic nestling of the FTVs and English Movie Channels- between an Astha TV and Discovery, is something we have all done as teens!

3. Fraandship Request - What was it before these suave moves to take her out for a dinner or a movie? Dress up in your best clothes, try to look cool while doing so, and approach the girl with a lot of courage and ask her to be friends with you.

4. Watercooler by the Stairs - If you didn’t spend some of your school days along the watercooler, waiting aimlessly for an extra glass of water as the ladies took the stairs- you are a nerd. The boring kind.

5. Fantasize About School Teacher - C’mon we have all done it!

6. Discussed The Menstrual Cycle at Length - The only thing more complicated that figuring out how the mentstrual cycles worked in women, is betting money on Dhoni’s overseas form. Only Ramanujam is known to have understood the concept at the first go.

7. Copied a Movie Star’s Hair Style - From John Abraham’s macho look to Shah Rukh Khan’s boy-next-door avatar. We have tried it all in our teens!

8. Used a Movie Dialogue to Impress a Girl - “Hi. I am Rahul. Naam to suna hoga!”- Enough said. (Replace Rahul with your name, and in case your name is derived from a flower, God or dance form- reduce it by half the letters and add an ‘s’”. Like a Champalal Yadav must have said –“ Hi. I am Champs. Naam to suna hoga!”.

9. The First Experience of Buying Condoms - It is very difficult to forget that first experience of buying a condom. 100 bucks says that you bought 5 other absolutely unrequired things from the chemist before you quickly asked him to slip a packet of condoms in! And the fact that you skipped 5 medical shops to go to the one, where you were absolutely sure there was no chance of bumping into someone you knew!

10. The ‘Non-Veg’ Forward - How adult jokes got slotted in the category of Non-Veg Humour, we will never know! But we are all guilty of forwarding an adult joke, we lifted from a website( waiting for the porn to load) or a magazine ( at the hair dresser’s). Which one was your favorite? Now, it’s your turn to pass this article around like one.